Thursday night we had dinner at Brent's Deli with Kevin's best friend. Over omelette's and triple-decker club sandwiches, Kevin began to tell the story of our burst pipe and flooded living room carpet. We both complained about our plumbing, lamented over being exiled to one room in the house and rolled our eyes simultaneously. Cutting into his french toast, Kirk began to shake his head and replied, "That's why you guys gotta get outta that place man....it's a shit hole. It really is a shit hole." And then he continued on his merry way to syrup and butter and thick cut bacon.
Kevin and I quickly gave each other a strange glance and I changed the subject. Later, on the way home, we discussed what happened. I was surprised that Kirk's comment bugged Kevin. They've been friends for over twenty years and quite frankly, usually, Kirk can do no wrong in every one's eyes. Its a strange phenomena that I've witnessed, attempted to crusade against and pitifully given up on. But this time it was different for Kev. Maybe it was all the pipe bursting bullshit we'd been through all week? Or him having just returned home from Vegas? But it struck a cord with him and he was genuinely offended. As was I...to say the least. But I did quickly shrug it off and tell myself, that Kirk was just being Kirk and whatevs...I love my home.
Which brings me to my question of the day, where the fuck do people get off? I think this is a serious epidemic within the human race---as of late. It go's beyond manners becoming a lost art, they're extinct. And what surprises me the most, is when it comes from someone that is very close to you. Where's the cutoff point which stops a person from insulting their best friends, family members, etc.? And why don't people observe it more often? Furthermore, why do we let people get away with it? Why don't we call them out and say, " hey you douche, that hurts my fucking feelings." I mean if the asshole in point, doesn't care to reserve his feelings towards you----then WHY do you bother safeguarding his?
And we're all guilty of it. Do I just have better manners? Am I a kinder person than they? Or am I chicken? lol. I haven't decided. But I do know that when something like this transpires, I usually think to myself, " welllll, what they said REALLY pisses me off but if I call them out---it could really embarrass them in front of everyone---and I would hate if someone did that to me if I fucked up. Soooo I'll just not-say-anything now and talk shit about them later...and hold a pity resentment....for like...ever." Giggle. I'm sure that's not a very healthy approach but it gets me through difficult situations with difficult people.
Don't get me wrong, its not hard AT ALL, to summon the ghetto within. I can bring it. Its just that usually I tend to look at the situation as a whole, instead of being immediately reactionary. Say for instance, dinner might not have ended so well or been very comfortable if I'd said what I really wanted to say, like : I'm sure our place seems like a shit hole to an asshole like you who's FORTY and still lives with Mommie in her fucking condo in Westlake Village---in an all-white, rich bedroom community. What with your fucking Prius and Mexican maids running around cleaning up after you----our situation must look pretty dire. [enter long sigh here] See what I mean? And its not that I think poorly of Kirk for any of those things---ever. But if you fucking insult me, I might use them to insult you back. Again, sandbox etiquette---poor taste, poor manners, uncivilized.
Maybe the truth is that we all have opinions and ideas of each other. Some we should divulge, when asked or when its definitely necessary : like when you have a booger the size of Texas in your nose. You can and should politely warn your friend, " you've got a bat in the cave." But when its something entirely different, say something REALLY negative, say an insult to their current life state----unless the person is a compulsive hoarder and you're finding dead cats buried under shit in their living room---you should probably keep-it-to-yourself. Have your judgments, continue with your "unique" perspective---but in the privacy of your own head. It might be withholding, dishonest? Or just not entirely truthful. Or maybe its just nicer to shut the fuck up.
And we're all guilty of it. Do I just have better manners? Am I a kinder person than they? Or am I chicken? lol. I haven't decided. But I do know that when something like this transpires, I usually think to myself, " welllll, what they said REALLY pisses me off but if I call them out---it could really embarrass them in front of everyone---and I would hate if someone did that to me if I fucked up. Soooo I'll just not-say-anything now and talk shit about them later...and hold a pity resentment....for like...ever." Giggle. I'm sure that's not a very healthy approach but it gets me through difficult situations with difficult people.
Don't get me wrong, its not hard AT ALL, to summon the ghetto within. I can bring it. Its just that usually I tend to look at the situation as a whole, instead of being immediately reactionary. Say for instance, dinner might not have ended so well or been very comfortable if I'd said what I really wanted to say, like : I'm sure our place seems like a shit hole to an asshole like you who's FORTY and still lives with Mommie in her fucking condo in Westlake Village---in an all-white, rich bedroom community. What with your fucking Prius and Mexican maids running around cleaning up after you----our situation must look pretty dire. [enter long sigh here] See what I mean? And its not that I think poorly of Kirk for any of those things---ever. But if you fucking insult me, I might use them to insult you back. Again, sandbox etiquette---poor taste, poor manners, uncivilized.
Maybe the truth is that we all have opinions and ideas of each other. Some we should divulge, when asked or when its definitely necessary : like when you have a booger the size of Texas in your nose. You can and should politely warn your friend, " you've got a bat in the cave." But when its something entirely different, say something REALLY negative, say an insult to their current life state----unless the person is a compulsive hoarder and you're finding dead cats buried under shit in their living room---you should probably keep-it-to-yourself. Have your judgments, continue with your "unique" perspective---but in the privacy of your own head. It might be withholding, dishonest? Or just not entirely truthful. Or maybe its just nicer to shut the fuck up.
I can't believe he said that! What an asshat...
ReplyDeleteSeriously, y'all have a cute place that's yours. And after all the hassle of the pipes--you painted your walls pretty colors! (BTW, loving them!) Way to take a bad situation and have it turn up in your favor.
People have no manners. I don't know if saying all that stuff to him would have been good, but at least letting him know that it was a shitty thing to say might have helped... Kevin was right to be pissed. And you too!
Want me to kick his butt?