I'm baaaaaack. :o) So after a brief hiatus ( to be explained in the next post) I'm finally able to sit down and write about our trip. But for reasons of obvious joy and worship, I felt that the David Sedaris bit needed its own post.
So on our last night in Albuquerque, we attended an evening with David Sedaris at the University of New Mexico. As always, he was brilliant, witty and hilarious. He read unpublished selections from stories still in progress, occasionally reaching over to his shirt pocket for a pen to jot down notes as he spoke. "shirt pocket pen..." I lamented to myself, in my head. " David Sedaris is jotting. He's jotting down notes in the margin. This is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life, " I continued. And it was. Though perhaps not quite as adorable as hearing him read the words, " freaky motha focka." He also read an excerpt from a Tobias Wolf book, The Barracks Thief. He felt so strongly about it, he urged the crowd to purchase a copy of this book before any of his own. Which I thought was really cool.
After the show I bolted to lobby, hoping to secure my spot in line for the signing. Even though I was easily one of the first fifty people in line, I began to worry about the time. I remembered from a previous signing that he usually talks to everyone, making each interaction personal and memorable. And while I adore this, I was worried about keeping the boy and Aileen waiting for an undisclosed about of time. "Don't worry about it! " the boy assured me. "Its all good....we're here." And so I waited, my nerves increasing with each step. Like a child flying alone for the first time, I desperately wanted the boy next to me in line. But I waved like a big girl, flashing a half smile from the worm of fans waiting behind me. "Whats wrong with me?" I thought. "I've met him before. Why am I so damn nervous?"
As I moved closer in line, he glanced over the room, making eye contact with me once or twice. "You're imagining things," my better sense secured. Four people away I began to get teary eyed. "OH CHRIST!" I thought. "Not now for Pete's sake!" I'm just like my mother, crying at the slightest hint of emotion. Which normally is a trait to be proud of, but when I'm about to be face-to-face with one of my heroes in front of a large crowd of impatient people with books in their hands, I'd really rather not cry like a distressed Beatles fan.
And then it was my turn------now I'm gonna write this out the way your twelve year old girlfriend would describe a life altering, intense two minute conversation with her crush---because no other way would do it justice.
David: We've met before.
Me : (hyperventilating, shaking, smiling largely) We have! In Santa Barbara at the college.
David : That's right. Years ago. I have a show coming up there in a couple days.
Me : I noticed that, at the Arlington right?
David : Yes! But its not sold out yet. (He begins signing my books)
Me : I noticed that.
David : whats up with that? Are people getting tired of me??? (silly smile)
Me : Never. (smiling largely still)
David : So what were you doing in Santa Barbara back then?
Me : Well I'm a SoCal native and grew up in Ventura County so its pretty close. I live in LA now. Actually I've tride to see you out there but its to crazy.
David : (with a cautious face) LA usually is pretty crazy. (He takes out a separate pen to sign the TW
book. ) So what are you doing here in Albuquerque?
Me : We have friends in the movie business who are working out here so we're just visiting.
David : cool. Sooo do you know any jokes? (for those who don't know, he will often ask for jokes or
last names from his fans to use as material)
Me : You know I probably do but I'm way to bajiggity right now to even think of anything to say.
David : Baajiggity? What does Bajiggity mean?? (starting to sign my CD case)
Me : you know like ...nervous. (having hot flashes)
David : (looking at me in disbelief) Wait...you're nervous RIGHT NOW???
Me : uuuh YEAH!
David : WHY??? (laughing)
Me : uuuuh HELLO! (giggling)
David : ok. (puts his pen down) I want you to do something for me right now.
Me : uuuuuuh (multiple hot flashes occurring)
David : I want you to SLAP me across the face right now.
Me : (HOLY SHIT) I can't do that.
David : yes you can. Come on I know you can do it. Don't do it HAAARD but just do it.
(turning his cheek)
Me : (ooooh god) siiiiiiigh. ok. (gave his cheek a slight whip)
David : SEE!!! HOW CAN YOU BE NERVOUS!! YOU JUST SLAPPED ME!! (laughing)
Me : (laughing like a fool)
David : (sighing and laughing) Can I see your purse?
Me : (wtf) What????? oook. (pulling over my cobalt blue Betsy Johnson)
David : Perrrfect! I want you to take this with you. (handing me a jar of NM Green Chili)
They gave me all this shit in my hotel room and I can't take any of it with me so I wanted
to give this to someone from another state. I guess its a big thing out here.
Me : It is! I had a turkey sandwich with this on it today.
David : well see now you can make one when you get home, and use the hand you slapped me with!!
Me : I will!!! Thank you!!!
As I left the line, I saw the boy. He was standing behind me the whole time, listening and sharing. He extended his arm and I collapsed into his bear hug, holding back a tear. I'm sure you can imagine, I left that night with my heart completely filled up. What a great experience, even better than the first time. And did he really remember me? God I felt so infinitely cool in that second when he said, " We've met before." It was like a fucking symphony of cool rocketing in my direction, making me explode. Little bits of cool showering the crowd. (laughing to myself) And I thought about it for days. I thought about it that night--laying awake in bed, driving home the next day, and finally at home---running my fingers across the signed page. "We meet again, enchantress. ---David Sedaris" I imagined all of this as preamble. That someday we'll be great friends and laugh about the time I slapped him in front a crowd of adoring fans. We'll sip some delightful beverage on a patio somewhere, sitting in Adirondack chairs, leaning into the afternoon sun.
a girl can dream right? :o)
No comments:
Post a Comment