Whatever Lady.

I went to the library yesterday. And to be honest, I hadn't been to a library in....years. I can't even remember how long its been. I walked in slowly and carefully, as if the building was condemned and the roof could cave at any moment. It was almost everything that I remembered : a main book drop, a computer keyboard instead of the sharp stump of a date stamp and the type of quite that is maintained and reserved...protected even. Looking up at the skylight and rows and rows of books, " I forgot how cool this was..." I muddled under my breath.

I had to get a library card, which seemed like a novel idea. Only now they come in key chain form. As the clerk began to explain, "the IMPORTANCE! of a library card and to treat it like I would a credit card," my eyes drifted to a rolling metal cart behind her. Suddenly I was a distracted twelve year old, the person I used to be in libraries. Hanging off the end of the cart was a bright orange laminated sign. "JUVIE BOOKS," it read. Quickly I began to imagine a Shawshank scene, with some troubled teen wheeling the cart. And everyone was young, even the old man with the bird, standing under a sun drenched window. "SOMEONE COULD TAKE OUT MILLIONS OF BOOKS IN YOUR NAME!!" the clerk stammered. Her eyes drawing me back. "What a scandal that would be," I said calmly. Rolling my lips up to a fold, smiling gently, I thanked her and set off to begin my journey.

Surprisingly, I was quickly successful in locating the books I came to get. I remembered feeling daunted as a kid with the same task, thumbing through actual paper card catalogues. But it was all very accessible and easy: computer generated and online. It felt like one of those candied moments where you have to remind yourself, "Oh yeah I'm an adult now...not everything has to be so hard." However, effortless as it was, I still found myself at the information desk. "I can't seem to find a book, and I think this branch may not carry it." I approached the actual librarian. "What book are you looking for?" she asked. "Mildred Pierce, by James Cain." and she flashed a look directly at me. "OH OF COURSE! because of THE MOVIE!" she said in a demeaning tone. "Everyone's only interested in that book because of that silly mini-series on TV. Ugh, well we don't have it here and its out at every other branch because everyone is watching that MOVIE." she continued. And I have to say I felt just a tad judged. I mean whats it to her? Yeah of course I'm enjoying a Kate Winslet mini-series on HBO. Who wouldn't for Christ's sake? She's only my favorite actress on the whole fucking planet! And its not just t.v., its HBO damn it!! Plus I've always wanted to read this book and the enjoying the movie is the perfect excuse to get off my butt and finally do it. Jeeeeeez my first day back and I'm already ready to rumble with the librarian! "WELL! anything that encourages people to read or to pick up a book instead of a remote sounds like a pretty good idea to me." and with my chin up high I flashed my key chain library card and glided out the door.

Screw this, I thought. I'll just buy the damn book. And off to Barnes and Noble I went. Of course as I pulled up to the shelf, there was only one copy of the book....and it had the mini-series movie poster as the cover. [NOW a major motion picture, staring Kate Winslet.] "Damn it." I mumbled to myself. Looking to the left and right of me, I grabbed the book. Cover facing my chest, I proceeded to the checkout counter.